In The Mind of Embry and Quil
by QuilAtearaWolf
Summary: When Embry and I get together and hang out we talk about random stupid stuff. To see what we do and what runs through our heads come in and find out. Read and review. I promise we'll have you laughing!
1. Episode 1: Pondering Thoughts

_This is In the Mind of Embry and Quil. This is going to be a multiple chapter/episode story. I thought it would be a great thing to do for all you guys. I like the idea. Everyone I've talked to likes this idea. Some of this came off the top of my head some people helped me. Ok lets get to the repeat stuff. I do not own Twilight or the saga. I am not Quil he is fictional. I am not Stephenie Meyer. I am not anyone famous. I am just a person who writes fanfictions for the enjoyment for people at the site I'm at. I am nice enough to put the on here so you guys can enjoy them as well. The site I'm on is .com/ I am Quil Ateara there so come say hi. One more thing. This is story episode weird thing that this is going to be is my idea because I thought it would be funny because its what Embry and I do on .com/ Thanks again Read and Review! Love you guys! ~QuilAtearaWolf_

**IN THE MIND OF EMBRY AND QUIL**

_**Episode 1: Pondering Thoughts**_

Tonight was going to be freaking epic. Embry and I were having our awesome guy time. That meant no girlfriends. Not to say we don't love to be with our girlfriends 24/7 but sometimes it's nice to take a break and be with just friends. It wasn't just the girls we were getting away from but the drama that comes along with being the wolves. We get sucked into that stuff on a daily basis.

We were sitting there on my couch, TV off, drinking our coke. Honestly we were bored as hell.

Then I randomly blurted out that I'd tried to sniff coke once. Embry looked at me like I was crazy and said WHAT!? I laughed and told him that I'd almost got an ice cube stuck up my nose. Then he started laughing.

"Yeah well I'm going to put the FUN in FUNeral one day," he told me.

I laughed.

"I'm going to put the F.U. in FUneral," I said laughing.

"You do that then bro," Embry told me.

We both laughed. It was true. I hated funerals. No way would I be bringing the fun! I'll be the grumpy one that went around with a sour face and grumbling how stupid it was I had to be there. Showing honor, I say that's bull.

"Have you ever just sat and thought up random stupid stuff before. And pondered them?" I asked him.

"Yeah like why 24 hour stores open all year long have locks on the doors," Embry commented.

"Exactly like that. It makes no since. Like why are their life vest under airplane seats but not parachutes?" I asked.

I mean for real. If I'm in a plane and its going down I'm not worried about a life vest. I want a parachute. I want to make it an adventure and go sky diving!

"Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?" Embry asked continuing on this path of our pondering.

"Yeah shouldn't fat chance mean you have a good chance and slim chance mean you have a low chance. That'd make more since to me," I commented.

"You know what I've always wondered about?" I asked in deep thought after a while of silence.

"What, if a cow sneezed would milk come out its nose?" Embry said making me spew my coke everywhere because I laughed so hard.

"No, but good one, I've always wondered how the guy that drives the snow plow gets to work in the morning," I said thinking.

"Well honestly I think he keeps the snow plow at his house," Embry told me after a moment. I thought for a few moments.

"You mean to tell me this guy would keep his snow plow in his driveway year around just so its there in the morning he actually needs it?" I said not believing this one.

Honestly no way a guy would leave his snow plow in his drive way. My luck is I'd have it blacked in by my jeep and then I'd have to somehow move my jeep out of the way. I am honestly the idiot that'd do that the one time I needed to snow plow.

"Speaking of drive ways, why is it that we park in driveways yet we drive on parkways?" Embry pointed out something really backwards.

"That's so true. They should change it to makes since. Its just as bad as when you transport something in a car its called a shipment but when you transport it on a ship it's cargo," I pointed out another obvious backwards thing.

"Seriously why do they do that," Embry said as we got up to get another coke. I totally spewed half mine out earlier when he made the cow comment earlier.

We continued on for hours pointing out all the weird things to ponder. Some were funny some were more serious. Most were honestly funny though.

At one point we were going on about what color smurfs turn when you strangle them. We also pondered if you need a silencer on a gun if you shoot a mime. Why bars have parking lots if you can't drink and drive or drive under the influence.

"I got one for you," Embry said excitedly.

"Lets hear it," I said curious.

"If pro is the opposite of con is progress the opposite of congress?" Embry said smirking.

"Oh burn on congress. So many people would have to say yes on that one bro," I said laughing.

We continued on thinking up more and more stupid random things.

Why does an alarm clock go off when it begins to ring?

How can someone draw a blank?

How come kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does your feet smell but your nose run?

If you throw a cat out of a window does it become cat litter?

If corn oil comes from corn where does baby oil come from?

If white wine goes with fish do white grapes go with sushi?

If you jog backwards would you gain weight?

"Oh I have another one," I told him. "When you pet bird sees you reading the newspaper does he ever wonder why you're staring at his flooring?"

Embry laughed and went to say something when someone started knocking on the door. This knock was one of those banging HEY LET ME IN kind of knocks. I open the door and there is Leah.

"Its 1 in the morning where is Embry!" she demanded.

I looked over at Embry backing away from the door to let her in. I told him his mom was here. I moved quickly out of Leah's way knowing she was going to try and hit me. I was right she did try to hit me but I dodged her.

This was honestly one of the most interesting nights. We needed to have more of them because our girls would think we're crazy if we talked about this stuff with them around. We were going to plan out more nights like this soon!

_Quil Ateara_


	2. Episode 2: Rock, Paper, WHAT!

_Alright guys. Here is the next episode. I hope you like it. I didn't write all these jokes. The only one I came up with was the last one. Use it I really don't care. Just remember it was my great stupid brain that came up with it. Not yours! Anyway. These jokes aren't ment to be offensive they are ment to be stupid and funny. So here goes. I do not own these jokes. I do not own twilight or the saga. I am not stephenie meyer. I am not quil ateara he is a fictional character. I am just a person who writes as Quil. I get these ideas from a site I'm on me and my buddy Embry sit and chat and come up with this random stuff. The site is .com/ Well enjoy. I really hope you like it. Read and Review! ~QuilAtearaWolf_

**INSIDE THE MIND OF EMBRY AND QUIL**

_**Episode 2: Rock, Paper, WHAT?!?!**_

"Bro, what are we going to talk about today?" Embry asked once he came in my house.

"I don't know, Embry. Do you have something in mind?" I asked.

"Yeah," Embry said.

"Rock, paper, scissors. I win we do my idea. You win we do yours," I said smirking.

"ROCK,PAPER, CHUCK NORRIS," We both blurted out then cracked up laughing.

We both had the same awesome idea. Embry grabbed a coke and I grabbed a MTN DEW and we sat down and began to trade Chuck Norris jokes.

"Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird," Embry said starting us off.

"Not a bad start, bro. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won," I said smirking.

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door," Embry continued.

"Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass… at night," I said laughing.

"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendents are known as Giraffes," Embry said topping mine.

"Oh good one, Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage," I said knowing I hadn't topped his.

That was ok though. It was so much fun to come up with these jokes. Of course we'd either picked them up from books or the internet. Honestly what do you guys think we do all day on the computers when our girlfriends aren't around? DUH… Chuck Norris jokes!!! What else is there to do?

"Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding," Embry said pulling me out of my thoughts.

"When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up he pushes the Earth down," I laughed.

"Oh yeah, someone googled 'Chuck Norris Sucks.' He was found dead with a hole shaped like a boot in the back of his face. As we all know only Chuck Norris can kick people in the back of their faces," Embry said crushing my Chuck Norris Joke.

"Oh yeah well Chuck Norris can run around the world and hit himself in the back of the head," I said triumphantly.

"Why would he want to?" Embry asked pointing out the stupidity of my joke.

"I don't know but he can," I said trying to recover. I was failing miserably.

"Once a rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg after 3 agonizing days of pain the rattle snake finally died," Embry said.

"Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer… to bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry," I said.

"Bro," Embry said shaking his head. "When taking the SAT write Chuck Norris for every answer. You'll score over 8000."

"Bro, a little late to tell me that now," I said pretending to be serious.

"What I didn't tell you? No wonder your SAT score sucked," he said playing along and laughing.

We laughed. Good times for sure!

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares at them until it gives him the information he wants," I said with a chuckle.

"Some guys write their names in snow with their pee. Chuck Norris does this but he writes it in concrete," Embry said taking drink of coke.

"Bro, that's freaking epic," I said laughing.

We then ordered pizza to eat because we were starving. We talked more jokes over our 2 large pizzas.

"The people in Paranormal Activity didn't call Ghostbusters, they called Chuck Norris," I said laughing.

"Scotty from Star Trek often says 'Ye canne change the laws of physics.' This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change them with his fists," Embry said.

"Star Trek bro? You don't even watch that stuff," I said curious where he had come up this joke from.

"Neither do you," he commented back.

"Yeah I watched that one movie with the one guy that every chick in America seems to think is 'hott'," I told him.

"Its just Star Trek, bro, and that guy is Chris Pine. Don't you know actors?" Embry said answering my questions and asking one of his own.

"No. The only actors and actresses I know are from Star Wars. Speaking of Star Wars, Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father," I said smirking.

"Well the Titanic story is all just a lie. Chuck Norris was just doing a back stroke when the Titanic ran into him," Embry said.

I laughed. We both laughed.

"Oh yeah, Chuck Norris survived the Death Note," I said smirking.

"What is that?" Embry asked.

"Some show they show on adult swim. I've seen much better anime than that one in my time," I admitted.

"You're such a loser, bro," Embry said giving me the 'you're stupid' look!

"The earth was supposed to be created in 10 days but Chuck Norris only gave God 7," I said trying to not look like such a loser.

"Well Jesus might walk on water but Chuck Norris swims on land," Embry said smirked topping mine.

"When God said 'let there be light' Chuck Norris said 'say please'," I laughed.

""when the Angel of Death was told he had to kill Chuck Norris he called in sick," Embry said.

We both laughed our butts off.

"Some people wear Superman pajamas to bed but Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas to bed," I joked.

"Well Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun," Embry joked back.

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep he waits," I said laughing.

"If you wake up in the morning its only because Chuck Norris let you live," Embry said laughing.

We both cracked a few more then Embry looked at the time. It was almost 1 and we didn't want a repeat of last week.

"One more, bro, and I got to go," Embry said standing up.

"Ok I made this one up myself," I said warning him.

He knew it was going to be stupid.

"The wolf pack may be fast, but Chuck Norris is faster," I said laughing at my own stupid joke.

"That's to funny, bro. Good job on belittling us wolves," he said laughing.

"See you, bro," he said.

And with that he left. Tonight was for sure Chuck Norris Epic!!!

_Quil Ateara_


End file.
